My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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