apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
