i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
