what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
