Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
