I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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