You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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