Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We are two peas in an std pod
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize