I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
