So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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