Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
