would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
