Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize