drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
