If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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