he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
