Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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