do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
