if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
