Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize