whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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