just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
