Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
