White coat. Heels.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
