I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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