Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
