Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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