Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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