This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
