I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
