I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize