I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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