You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
