You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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