i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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