He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
