she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
