that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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