I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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