my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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