just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
