She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize