If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
