Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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