I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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