i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize