We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize