Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
