my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
