The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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