i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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