"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
