i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
