Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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