So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
