ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
