So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
