so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
