Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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