I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
