A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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