We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
