the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
