It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
