I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize