didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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