I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
