Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
