This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize