I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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