When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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