apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
