some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
