So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
