just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
