I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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