we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
