I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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