Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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