How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
