is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
